Becoming Ashley
Usually on or around my birthday I write a blog reflecting on my year. I’ve done that since I was 17 years-old with a Xanga account. (Whoa! Flashback!!) I’ve been thinking about being 25, and it’s really been a year for me. My birthday is July 29th, so I’m about a month away from turning 26. Last year about this time I was going through what seems to be the roughest time of my life.
Quick recap: January 2010, broke up with a boyfriend of 3 1/2 years (I’m sorry, but that alone is enough to make a girl lose herself). February 2010, started partying a lot. March 2010, left the front door to the store I work at unlocked overnight. Got encouraged to step out of my management position, and took a drastic hit in pay, and a decrease in hours. April 2010, I don’t remember, I was drunk. May 2010, same. June 2010, started what I thought was dating a guy I was really into. Apparently, he didn’t feel the same, he just liked me late at night. July 2010, became a hermit for 6 months. In this time, I decided it was time to become Ashley.
In September 2010, I moved back in with my mom, who thank God, she is the most supportive, understanding, caring, and welcoming person. I remember going to a party where a friends band was playing and talking to her about how I met someone who is going to be giving DJ lessons, and that I wanted to start giving massages again. We had this awesome talk about how I was going to start massaging, become a dope DJ and be able to weed out the retail job, which has been really good to me by the way - just not what I want to do forever. A couple weeks later I told her I wanted to make running a hobby, not a chore. I am probably the laziest person in the world so this was going to be a huge deal for a smaller me.
In the last year I’ve managed to redeem myself as a good employee at work, ran two 5k’s, and completed about seven months of DJ lessons. So far I’m on track, but I constantly have this feeling that I am missing something. I’m still unsure if this is something tangible or not, whether it’s more money in my pocket, a warm body to lay next to at night, to live on my own again, a smaller body, to run a 10k or a half or a whole marathon, to feel better about something I hate in my body… I’m seriously just not sure what it is. Everyday I’m learning more and more about myself, becoming Ashley.
